God is taking off all of my clothes.
My masks; they are falling, shattered on the floor.
I stand naked, before my Creator, desiring and fearing to be seen all at once.
I was woven tightly, by my own will.
And now, I am being undone.
This Scorpio New Moon is intense. Scorpio, in general, is an intense and imaginative time of year. I personally have a deep appreciation for the darkness, the depth, and the unraveling this season brings. I was born for it. Quite literally, I just had my 33rd birthday on November 10th. Being born to this sign is a constant death and rebirth. I am always changing. Cycling. Ebbing. Flowing. Dying. Growing. Rinse. Repeat. This is the Feminine Flow. It's only painful when I try to fight it.
Resistance is truly futile. The earth will eventually take back our borrowed bones. Our money and possessions will pass on. There is nothing to cling to. So why do we? What is this clinging? It is simply a reaching for That Which We Know We Are. No person, place or thing will ever match this longing for our True Self, our Divine Origin. This is our completion, our dissolution into Oneness. But in the meantime, in this world of duality, we substitute people, places and things for our what we truly desire. To Be One with Our Maker.
The moment we begin to truly embark on this path, anything that is between you and God falls away. The more we grasp, cling, and define ourselves by these people, places and things that fall away, the harder it feels. I am not defined by my name, my career, my partner, my faith, my gender, my beliefs, my addictions, my friends, my family or even my body. None of this is really who I AM. This....this is the undoing.
I feel I am slowly unraveling. Not in a 'I'm going crazy' kind of way. It's more like, "I recognize I am actually not in my full expression of self because I am still trying to be in control", kind of way. I am letting the dismantling occur. There are many masks I no longer wish to carry. I am praying for grace and mercy along The Way. I am seeking only that which serves my soul. No substitutions. This...this is the undoing.
In being undone I find myself surrendering for the first time in a long while. The last time I allowed myself to become undone, I left Florida, left my relationship, sold many belongings, gave many more away, and let God lead the way. Seven years later, I am being undone yet again. This time, it is to explore inner space. Last time, was a grand adventure, which there are still many to come. Yet this undoing is different. It is an unfolding, a revealing, a reversal, a new book. This time, as God peels away my layers, I am watching. I am observing and noticing each piece as it is placed exactly where it was always meant to be. The greatest lesson here? All of me is exquisite. Especially my darkness. This...this is the undoing.
Today, on this New Moon I begin an adventure much like before, but in reverse. I am leaving California, picking up my belongings from Austin, Texas, and flapping my wings back East. To Florida, I return. This time, to the up and coming eclectic city of Jacksonville, FL. I wasn't excited about this when it was presented to me, but after much prayer and practice, I see the Light. I am part mermaid after all, so the Atlantic will always feel like my home. It was the sea I first set foot, the first magical shoreline I saw. I am returning to my roots.
I left to find myself. I have found that the greatest treasure has always been within me, rediscovering it time and time again. As I return to the East Coast, I know that nothing is permanent, and even in this new becoming.... I will be undone again. And again. I am content in this process. The weaving, the kiln, the garden in full bloom. The burning, the breaking the tilling of the soil. Autumn is being undone into Winter. And Winter will be undone to Spring. The colors will fall to the Autumn's breeze, and then it repeats again. We are One with our Mother, and this is Her Way. Let us rest in her Heart, and trust she is holding us tenderly.
Let God undo this one you have become.
PS: If you are ready to rise above the mundane world we live in and tap deeper into the potency of this season, this time in humanity, let's connect. I am here to help empower feminine leaders, aspiring creatives, wives and mothers wanting to step more authentically into their sensual and sexual expression. Email me HERE. We will set up a call to chat <3