Being Undone

God is taking off all of my clothes.

My masks; they are falling, shattered on the floor.

I stand naked, before my Creator, desiring and fearing to be seen all at once.

I was woven tightly, by my own will.

And now, I am being undone.

This Scorpio New Moon is intense. Scorpio, in general, is an intense and imaginative time of year. I personally have a deep appreciation for the darkness, the depth, and the unraveling this season brings. I was born for it. Quite literally, I just had my 33rd birthday on November 10th. Being born to this sign is a constant death and rebirth. I am always changing. Cycling. Ebbing. Flowing. Dying. Growing. Rinse. Repeat. This is the Feminine Flow. It's only painful when I try to fight it.

Resistance is truly futile. The earth will eventually take back our borrowed bones. Our money and possessions will pass on. There is nothing to cling to. So why do we? What is this clinging? It is simply a reaching for That Which We Know We Are. No person, place or thing will ever match this longing for our True Self, our Divine Origin. This is our completion, our dissolution into Oneness. But in the meantime, in this world of duality, we substitute people, places and things for our what we truly desire. To Be One with Our Maker.

The moment we begin to truly embark on this path, anything that is between you and God falls away. The more we grasp, cling, and define ourselves by these people, places and things that fall away, the harder it feels. I am not defined by my name, my career, my partner, my faith, my gender, my beliefs, my addictions, my friends, my family or even my body. None of this is really who I AM. This....this is the undoing.

I feel I am slowly unraveling. Not in a 'I'm going crazy' kind of way. It's more like, "I recognize I am actually not in my full expression of self because I am still trying to be in control", kind of way. I am letting the dismantling occur. There are many masks I no longer wish to carry. I am praying for grace and mercy along The Way. I am seeking only that which serves my soul. No substitutions. This...this is the undoing.

In being undone I find myself surrendering for the first time in a long while. The last time I allowed myself to become undone, I left Florida, left my relationship, sold many belongings, gave many more away, and let God lead the way. Seven years later, I am being undone yet again. This time, it is to explore inner space. Last time, was a grand adventure, which there are still many to come. Yet this undoing is different. It is an unfolding, a revealing, a reversal, a new book. This time, as God peels away my layers, I am watching. I am observing and noticing each piece as it is placed exactly where it was always meant to be. The greatest lesson here? All of me is exquisite. Especially my darkness. This...this is the undoing.

Today, on this New Moon I begin an adventure much like before, but in reverse. I am leaving California, picking up my belongings from Austin, Texas, and flapping my wings back East. To Florida, I return. This time, to the up and coming eclectic city of Jacksonville, FL. I wasn't excited about this when it was presented to me, but after much prayer and practice, I see the Light. I am part mermaid after all, so the Atlantic will always feel like my home. It was the sea I first set foot, the first magical shoreline I saw. I am returning to my roots.

I left to find myself. I have found that the greatest treasure has always been within me, rediscovering it time and time again. As I return to the East Coast, I know that nothing is permanent, and even in this new becoming.... I will be undone again. And again. I am content in this process. The weaving, the kiln, the garden in full bloom. The burning, the breaking the tilling of the soil. Autumn is being undone into Winter. And Winter will be undone to Spring. The colors will fall to the Autumn's breeze, and then it repeats again. We are One with our Mother, and this is Her Way. Let us rest in her Heart, and trust she is holding us tenderly.

Let God undo this one you have become.

Naked.

New.

....

You <3

 

PS: If you are ready to rise above the mundane world we live in and tap deeper into the potency of this season, this time in humanity, let's connect. I am here to help empower feminine leaders, aspiring creatives, wives and mothers wanting to step more authentically into their sensual and sexual expression. Email me HERE. We will set up a call to chat <3

 

20150317_080816_3.jpg

Reflections on France ~ {Part One of Three} ~ Mary Magdalene

My Magdalene Pilgrimage.

France. My most recent destination to deepen and unravel my studies of the historical and mystical character Mary Magdalene. I spent two weeks, post Eclipse, this past August steeping myself in Her mystery, magic and myth.

Do you know who Mary Magdalene was 2000 years ago? Do you know who she is for humanity today? These are the questions I have pondered since childhood, as a Baptist ministers daughter, growing up in churches in the South. I read (and read about) the Bible, the Gnostic gospels, the Coptic scrolls, the Pistis Sophia, and and so on.  I have shelves of books on Mary Magdalene and her connection to Yeshua (AKA Jesus Christ). There are beautiful ledgends that have been formed over the years, some stories feel more truthful than others. Either way, I like to get a feel for myself about these things, so I had to explore. A few places on the map stood out to me, and ignited in me a spiritual quest, a mystical journey. Places with lore, mysticism, whispers and myth.

France was first on the list. Soon to come my pilgrimage to sacred Yeshua/Magdalene sites, which began in the South of France, will continue on in Egypt, India, and all of the lands of my own heritage in Avalon, Great Britain. This extended quest, is really a journey home; to myself. To the vast landscape within. Wanderlust has it's own unique and effective medicine, this is for certain. The physical presence on these sacred sites themselves does something profound to the DNA within our cells. An activation occurs, and information is received on genetic, lineage level. Especially when you stand on the land that was at one point, your roots. Your Point of Origin. Where your soul started it's journey on this planet, many moons, lifetimes ago. Like The Alchemist, the adventure always leads you back to where you started, and it's truly a journey within, to the depths of the unknown regions of yourself. Yet, there is an irreplaceable magic and reverence in standing on these sacred grounds with your own two feet, eyes wide open, breathing in the crisp, clean air. Taking in the sites around you, allowing your imagination to expand.

Now, to answer the question: Who is Mary Magdalene? Many know, and many do not. Those who really know, know something that has been kept secret and safe now for two millennia. This is the secret of the Holy Grail, which many still physically seek; Knights, Kings and robbers alike have tried to obtain this Divinely Feminine, mysterious object of power. To put it simple and less inflated terms, Mary Magdalene was a companion and apostle to our cosmic brother, Christ Yeshua, also known as Jesus here in the Americas. We know she was in the Bible as the Apostle of Apostles (which means most cherished of His followers, as she paid very close attention to Christ's teachings), and we know She was present at the crucifixion and Resurrection, which demonstrates a very loving and deep dedication to her Teacher, Friend and Beloved Christ Yeshua. She is one of many Mary's that followed and ministered WITH Christ.

How does my affection for this woman lead me to France? Well, rumor has it that Mary Magdalene ended up in Gaul, now Southern France, along with three other Mary's, including Yeshua's mother, Sarrah (the 'Egyptian maid"), and two male disciples. Legend has it they arrived by boat, after being arrested and sent out to sea in a boat with no motor, no sail, no oar and no rutter. They we sent to their death by Roman authorities for their affilation with Yeshua and advocacy of His teachings. However, the winds of Divine Love set them safely on the shores of Southern France and it was there they performed Miracles and shared the Good News of all the wonders they witnessed in the presence of our Brother Master Christ Yeshua. These women were all present for many acts of Unconditional Love being a healer of death and sickness.

I went to the places, which I will describe in later blogs in detail, that were of the most interesting regarding the worship of Mary Magdalene in France. They have her relics and remains in two different places, one place being a church crypt and the other being a mile long hike up to a silent monastery built into the side of a mountain (where She spent her last 30 years of life in prayer and meditation). I am feeling very blessed to have been on this Quest to discover who this woman was, so that a light can be shone on the Feminine Aspect of Christ. It is time to observe this 2000 + year old story through a different lens. This will create a tremendous healing for the people of this planet. There is such a deep "Jesus" wound, scarring from religious dogmas that shamed and persecuted. This feminine perspective is just the balm needed as this time, during our collective awakening as a flowering species.

Thank you so much for entertaining my musings on subjects that don't often get approached at the dinner table. It's not water cooler talk. This type of conversation, and other deep feminine oriented threads are present in my facebook group ~ The Wild Woman's Renaissance. If you would like to continue to connect with other women who are interested in these types of topics! I share in there, the things I would not share here or on my personal page. It is a safe space for women, a very few select men, to dive deep into a container that is not structured, but clean and well contained. Mary Magdalene is just one of many faces of the Wild Woman. There are also many versions of this currently active Renaissance. You're role is yours to choose! The awakening is here. The Love is real. The adventure is at hand. Let us all be inspired by Her Holy Desire and Sacred Example!

icon_red_egg.jpg

The Gifts That Death Bring Us

My grandfather died today. My father's father. His name was David Franklin White, Jr. This morning he woke up in his body, but by the end of the day, he had reached the end of his life.
I trust that my grandfather is with the ones he loved most, and that in this moment that he is being given the greatest gift of his life: Union with The Divine.

As I was brushing my teeth and flossing my gums, I thought to myself how much my grandfather must have loved my grandmother to create six kids with her, in turn creating a bunch of grandchildren. This is where my body comes in to the picture. As I went through my evening oral hygiene ritual, I gave thanks for my body, and all of the bodies that it took for me to have one. Death reminds us that we are still alive, breathing and with body! This is a very special gift.

Death gives us the gift of memories. There is something symbolic in this regarding my grandfather because his physical mind was gone and he had lost his memories. By the end of his life he barely knew his wife of 60 years. In that moment when I was brushing my teeth I thought about how inspired I am to capture as many memories as I can in this life; through words spoken, poems, storytelling, video, book writing, this blog and photos. Memories help us to relate, and shape our perspective of the Cosmos. Memories are a beautiful aspect of humanity. In honor of my grandfathers memories made and forgotten, I am making it a part of my Path to embrace the Art of Storytelling and Remembrance.

Death brings us the gift of togetherness. My HUGE family will be gathering next week in our home state of SC to have a memorial, funeral and graveside service for his life. It has been a good long while since we all were together. Many of us have gotten married, had children, divorced, gone to rehab, etc. Life has drawn us away, but death will bring us together. I am grateful to see my family, who all are in my life and blood tribe because my grandfather and grandmother fell in love.

Death brings us to our grief. This may not sound like a gift, but if you contemplate it you will see it is actually the greatest gift of them all. Many lives are lost in this world that are not grieved. When we have the opportunity to grieve and feel deeply into this painful part of our humanness, it serves us to fully dive in. In this moment, I am in the first stage of grief, which is denial. It's normal, actually, not to feel right away. That is why we have services to honor the lives of the deceased, it is also a space to give the living a socially acceptable place to grieve. And this is why any opportunity to grieve is a gift, because our society cuts grief quite short. Bereavement leaves are rarely taken, and often we are expected to go about business as usual. In other cultures, for example the indigenous women of Australia, there is a sacred space held daily to grieve. They wake up before dawn to wail and cry while the morning star fades into the early sunlight. They believe if we hold in any grief, it hurts us. Best to get it out, and that needs to be done everyday, because there is always something in this world to grieve.  I am looking forward to my first really big cry about this. I can feel it bubbling, and I trust it will be very healing when it arises.

My grandfather's passing has given me many wonderful gifts, and this is only day one. As I continue to remember his life and tell the stories, the gifts will continue to shower me and my family. The real gift is the exchange of love. That is why we are in this life to begin with, we all came here to experience love, in all of it's infinite forms. I love my grandfather very very much, and at this time just pray for my dad, who is his first born son. I pray my father's grieving can heal him in some way, perhaps even healing our lineage multiple generations back.

More to write about my amazing ancestral lineage, but for now, I am grateful for the life of this one man who breathed his last breath today... Revered, Professor, Father, Husband, Grandfather, Uncle, Brother, Son and Friend to many... David Franklin White Junior.

Thank you for our lives! Rest in Peace <3

Thank you for our lives! Rest in Peace <3