Loving with An Open Hand: Reflections on Letting Go

A Half Open Hand 


The moon is waxing on. 🌗

We are half way there, for this portion of the cycle, anyway.

Like Mr. Myagi said, “wax on, wax off”.

Master the basics.

Each moment a passing phase, like the moon.

Like a wave, it crashes, passes on, and the shore holds on to nothing. 

I doubt the sand misses each wave once she withers and foams away. For it’s a ‘shore’ thing that another wave is always on the way….

This waxing silver sphere with these balmy Florida sea breezes 🌊 brings me to a sweet surrender in time a space. I recognize that even though it seems slow, the seasons really do change, and that time is the only thing that heals all wounds. When we track the descent of the evening star ~*Venus*~ as she makes her passage all the way down through this mystical retrograde cycle, we finally come to ‘grips’ with one simple fact: it’s time to let go.

What is the action of letting go? 🍂

For the character in this ancient tale we have been tracking through Venus retrograde, Inanna Queen of Heaven, the “letting go” is symbolized in her releasing of the articles of garments (symbols for our different energetic bodies, layers of ego, vices and patterns, identities, ‘masks’, etc), and eventually, her own life. Beyond her own life even, the life of her husband (which begins to correlate to the sun/masculine, the Darkest Night of the Year / Death-Birth / Return of the Sun/Son, The Winter Solstice, etc.) So, there are many layers here, many postures in this process, and we are half way there. 

The descent is just the beginning. After we arrive, we release.

We are now to the point of letting go.

It’s not just a story about Venus, or Inanna. It’s about YOU. Me. Us. Now.

That is what these ancient stories are preserved for, to teach us and show us that the human experience is a journey, a hero’s journey, with many phases, seasons, and changes.

In every story, especially our own, we come to a point where we must relax our grip on life. Letting go is not really an action, it is more of a shift in season and perspective. 👁

I am about to get pretty personal here and let you in on some of the circumstances in my life that have led me to such an authentic process of letting go. In my own grief work that I am doing, I have really appreciated the book ‘When Things Fall Apart’ by Pema Chodrön. It talks about the concept of feeling what you are feeling (ie. the loss of a partnership/grief) and allowing your pain to be a point of contact between you and ALL of the people who may be feeling that way in this very moment in the world and sending them compassion. I have been really vibing this teaching, and this particular article is my way of saying I FEEL YOU ALL OUT THERE! I feel you so hard. To those of you experiencing loss and pain and grief, I want you to know that you are not alone, and that we are ALL going through some level of letting go of a former life. My level of compassion has increased during this time of release and losing, and this is one of the ironies of life’s lessons; Compassion increases when we have a season of sorrow, death, loss and change. Letting go means making space to feel it all, the love, the loss, the depth, the carving out of a piece of your self, making room for more love, for something bigger than us. 🌎

The personal part is this. I am letting go of a long term partnership to a man I love very deeply. He loves me, too. We were best friends before we chose to make a life together. We promised to be friends even if it ended. Our love is supernatural and very tangible, with an energy of its own accord. It created a lot of blessings in the lives of others, maybe you were on the receiving end of this. We have a true soul connection, and the beauty between us will forever inspire me and many others. I was a part of his family and he a part of mine, I helped to co-parent his three amazing children with his ex-wife and her new wife. It was so far from being simple, but I enjoyed this collaboration with family very much. It was rewarding and filled with lessons. Together, me and my boo created spectacular events that inspired hundreds of people, traveled to beautiful places and lived a very blessed life of ceremony and adventure. We laughed A LOT! We had amazing communication. 🗣 Love making was a prayer and quite astounding. It felt easy most of the time....until it didn’t. As beautiful as it was, there are always opposing forces at play. Life threw us a crazy set of curve balls. Everything became uprooted and destabilized. Literally, everything changed and felt turned upside down. Baby Mama wanted to move the kids to FL. So, we went a long for the transition. Bye Bye Austin (aka community, ceremonial circles, career, and epic tacos). Hello total Mystery.....

Arriving in Florida was the ultimate shakedown. What had worked before wasn’t working at all here, and the amount of resistance around housing, employment and stability was too much. Even though there was family support, the lack of community, dwindling funds, and no home of my own took it’s toll on me. A sudden and severing shift in my relationship with his ex-wife was the straw that broke the camels back. The one woman I thought who would have my back after asking me to support her in creating a new life with the children disconnected from me and never spoke to me again. She uninvited me/us to family events, even after we moved across the country to be with the kids, eventually admitting that she purposefully wanted to cut me out of her life, saying “it was just easier when I wasn’t around”. These were words from the same woman who only weeks before had thanked me for making this commitment to the family unit, promising to help support us in the transition, which uprooted our whole lives. I lost it, pretty much went into full meltdown mode, and took space to myself and went home to my mom and dad, spending the holidays in a very dark place of silence and seclusion. Time seemed to stand still and speed up all at once and before I knew it, in what seemed like a flash and also a drawn out process, I stand on the other side of it reflecting our five years together and the aftermath of our “conscious uncoupling” in May. I made choices during this time (rebounding with a narcissist, more on that in future writing) that I look at with hindsight and wished I had done differently. Priceless Wisdom gained, but a true love lost. I see where I created harm and where I hurt my beloved. I see where I felt betrayed, abandoned and unsafe. I see where the wounding took over and where our love all of sudden wasn’t enough. I also see where my soul made space to this deep work that absolutely had to get done in this life, no matter the cost. I also see where I have been strong in my connection to God, trusting that My Creator is guiding me, like a lighthouse on a stormy sea. I see that this process was inevitable, and that I am still seeing the bigger picture as it unfolds before me. I had to let go of my whole life. I am still letting it go. (and this is just the relationship part….I also quit participating in “ceremonies” during all of this, which is another article in the making. Letting go of “spiritual communities” and “guru’ roles that were not serving me is another huge aspect of this I will touch on very soon…stay tuned…)

In letting go, we see ourselves more fully, and this is not a pretty picture in totality. 

I saw my own shadows, and the shady sides of those around me.

I lost trust in others including myself, but gained a LOT of trust in myself through the process.

I blamed everyone else. I blamed myself. I blamed God. 

Now, I’ve thanked everyone else, thanked myself, and thanked God.

I’ve cried cried and tried and tried to get it back to the way it was.

I still cry, yet accept it will never be the same again. Giving so much thanks for what was.

I’ve begged and pleaded for it be different than it is.

I have stopped the begging, and accept it will definitely be different and maybe not the way I thought or hoped it would, and to stay tuned into what is showing itself.

I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed for clarity and understanding and guess what?...

This is it. 

God said, “It IS clear. Let go”.

Letting go brings the clarity, not the other way around. 💎

I thought, I will let go. And then I realized, I actually just have to stop holding on.

No longer can I cling to the past as a possible future. 

To get clear, let go. 

To clear the way, let the past go. 

To clear your mind, let the thoughts go. 

There will never be a thought that will help you clear your mind...

I thought to myself, I need to let go. 

And the I realized, it’s already gone. 

I am not holding on to anything other than the memories, which feel painful and inspiring all at once. The memories are like an access point to the love, but the pain comes in realizing it is gone in the form it was in and it won’t be coming back in that same form ever again. I now let them just come and then go, those memories. It is a continual process. Every moment is a letting go. The actual thought that you are holding on is the illusion. There is nothing to hold. You have already let go, for you never had anything in your hand to begin with.

As the moon is half full my hands are half open. 

The door to my heart, as well. ❣️

I am simultaneously letting it go and letting it in.

Like brackish water; some salty ocean water flowing into the fresh water river and some fresh water from the river flowing into the deep ocean. A semi-permeable membrane. There is a lot leaving and a lot arriving. 

I am doing my best to take deep breaths in between. 

Letting go is taking a pause.

Letting go is feeling the slight space between an inhale....and an exhale.

Letting go is feeling the pain and not attaching shame or guilt to the story.

Letting go is doing your best to take of yourself.

Letting go is truly letting someone else just BE.

Letting go is focusing on the moment, not the past.

Letting go is discovering you are not your masks.

Letting go is letting yourself be free to change.

Break ups are tough. Change is rarely a smooth shifting, and often times un-welcomed.

Sometimes it’s easy to say “Well, he was an asshole anyway”, or, “he just wasn’t the one for me”. But I know better because my former love was not an asshole, and he easily could have been the one. He isn’t perfect, (who is?), but close enough to help me see that what we had was suuuuuuuper special and I can’t ever settle for anything less. So, I don’t really get to use those verbal cop outs and I am glad for that. I am beyond grateful, really. The only reason my grief runs so deep is because my love ran even deeper, to very core of my existence. The love between Kellen and I carved a deep river bed for so much emotion to flow. At first, this passage was grooved with a rushing river of devotion in motion so deep it created chasms, canyons, and valleys of virtue based beauty and sweetness centered soul-quenching courtship. Many of you reading this witnessed it, and were changed by it. How BLESSED am I to have known such a love! This river of love never ran dry, but it’s path was diverted by both natural and self-created causes. Now, new waters run across this smooth and well worn rock bottom, rich with the sediment of sentiment, reverence, humility, somber surrender, wisdom, understanding, compassion, trust, strength, and sovereignty. This new flow is leaving fresh layers of nutrients, infused with a refined sense of loyalty, integrity, creative fulfillment and alignment with Divine Will. I realize this one thing; my love with this one amazing person represents my ability to relate with THE Beloved, AS The Beloved. It is not an external person. This is one thing we can never lose and do not have to let go of. As a matter of fact, it is the only thing I desire to “cling” to; my connection to Source. It’s more of a deep reverence, a cherishing. Like a thread of light, I know it will never let go of me nor I of it, because it IS me. How can you let go of your own essence? You can’t let go of the very thing that you ARE.

The love I was blessed to steward with that man, and every one before him, including deep friendships and familial bonds is here within me. The relationship I cultivated within MYSELF is the most authentic, real gem and gift of this whole thing, and the string of moments and men that led me here, back to my self. My Soul. The point of origin. Sure, I am “letting go” of a LOT of people; not just my partner, but his children, his mom, dad, sisters, even the mother of his kids and her wife I considered close friends and I valued my relationship with all of them. I feel extremely fortunate to still have a foundation of friendship with him and his blood family, yet it’s not the same. Of course there were many times I was totally overwhelmed by the amount of presence and responsibility I felt obliged to uphold, and feel a certain freedom being relieved of these expectations. It really tested me and my ability to feel free to “be myself”, the position of I had put myself in. I moved through it less than gracefully at times, and who knows what the other side of the story looks like. Now, after the release of these roles, I am feeling the emptiness where there was once an abundance of time spent with a whole family. There is a letting go, yes, but more so an allowing of spaciousness that I have not felt in a very long time. I also value this spaciousness for my former boo. He deserves it, too. There is pain, (lots of it) yet I am allowing and welcoming of this feeling, for beneath the pain it feels like I am finally at home again. This experience has been a rebirth; and it feels like conception and gestation are all happening as well, at the same time. We are operating on many levels in every moment!

All I can speak on is my personal experiences and stories I relate to, trusting it will translate and resonate in the lives of those who need to hear it. Letting go is an experience that is NOT unique to humans, but we tend to make it the most dramatic and poetic of all the Creatures. The tree does not “pine” for leaves lost, and the rose does not weep for dropped petals. 🥀 The sun still shines even when we can’t see it and the animal kingdom seems to be at peace with the natural way of letting it in, and letting it go. 🌤 As a human being walking through a season of change, I offer my experience as a gift and resource for those looking for the lighthouse. I am not the light itself, but I am the lighthouse, a carrier of the torch.

May you find the Light Within, and trust that it will guide you all the way home. 🌟

Let Go & Let God,

Shellie Marie 🧜🏼‍♀️

A Prayer For Letting Go

Beloved Mother Father God,

Thank you for my life. 

I am grateful to take this breath into this body as your Divine Child. Thank you for the blessings in my life and please help me to have the eyes to see even more blessings and favors from you all around me. May all beings feel and see your bounty for them.

Creator, I call to you today to ask for your help. Thank you for always helping me and showing me which way to walk, one foot in front of the other. At this time I am in a season of change, and feeling the pains of separation and grief. I ask you to please help me quiet my mind and I ask for you to bestow peace over my heart. Where there are thoughts of regret and remorse, help me to simply feel the sensations in my body and let go of any stories I may be holding that do not serve my mental, emotional or physical well being. I let go of control. Please take the wheel. I chose to release the past with ease and grace and trust that You will hold me in your hand as I let go of the known, and allow you to guide me through the Unknown.

Thank you for all of the times I have felt safe to change. Thank you for this opportunity to change and step into an even greater calling over my life. Thank you for this time to develop trust, compassion and new neural pathways in my mind that will lead to easier transitions in the future. I trust that My Will and Divine Will are being aligned and that You are truly working a miracle in my life. I am open to seeing the beauty that is in store for me, and thankful for this time to heal myself and prepare to receive the good things coming. Thank you God for hearing my prayer and request for peace, grace, healing, restored faith and strength during this time of letting go and changing seasons. Thank you for my life, and for the many blessings within it. May all beings be free from suffering.

In Yeshuas Name, Amen.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Additional Notes and Offerings:

To watch my most recent facebook LIVE download click here. I talk about letting go and sing you a little song by the sea <3

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To work with me 1:1 for guidance and support as we sail the se of life, email me at ShellieMarieWhite@gmail.com and we will set up a time to chat and be sure we are the right fit.

Let Go Let God

Way Down She Goes 🍂

Do you know the ancient Sumerian story of Inanna? It is quite the tale, and today is the day to tell it. For I am witnessing this ancient tale play out for all to see. It is also the story of our beloved Evening/Morning Star, Venus. Venus does a beautiful dance in the sky and the sun, descending below the horizon, invisible to our sight, “into the underworld”. This journey into the underworld is what interests me, her re-appearance as the Morning Star being the highlight. With all of the super intense sexual tension coming up in the collective around trauma and story (he said, she said) we have to also look at what this Venusian story truly represents for us at this time. As Venus descends below the horizon, the archetype of Shadow/Dark Feminine is apparent. The collective feminine is uprising in their rage, pain, grief and mourning. The time is now to heal the past. The time is now to heal ourselves, honoring our process fully and truly releasing it so we can CHANGE THE STORY for ourselves, begin anew, and pave a new path for the generations to come. This time falls perfectly for me, as I have somehow perfectly placed myself in a powerful position to do some very deep and effective healing work, preparing myself for the next phase of my existence.

How are you going to utilize this reflective time of autumn, a descent downward, inward and into the subtle realms?

Venus sure does like to show off. She is SUCH a drama queen (of the heavens, that is)! Check out her pattern in the sky (it’s the main image for this article) It sure is a beautiful flower, each petal a portal. If you want to read all about Venus and how her story relates to all of the ancient myths, you can click here and here. (I do not know or promote any of the people in these postings, they just happened to be the easiest to understand in my google searches). If you want to check out my facebook LIVE video where I tell the story and offer my insights click here.

In this story, I also see the correlation in the story of Yeshua and Mary Magdalene, and will post more about that in my next blog. Thanks for staying tuned. My interpretation of this phase in life is below. I hope you enjoy and can relate. Put it into inner action!

Major Themes as Venus (The Feminine) Descends and Rises Again:

Letting Go Of The Past

I know, it’s hard. It can also be so f*cking liberating. We are all always in a simultaneous process of letting it in and letting it go. The things I am currently letting go of, my small self doesn’t want to. I thought I had it all perfect. I led myself on to believe I did, and then things seemed to disintegrate like sand falling between my fingers. This time of Autumn is about releasing, letting what is dead be dead and done, giving it a proper burial and memorial, and then moving forward in life. In the story of Inanna, she must leave something important to her at every “gate” she passes in her descent below, she arrives stripped bare and bowed low, naked. This is how I choose to approach My Maker, who is also present down there, deep in the shadows of the “beneath”. God is there, in the darkness. God is there, within YOU, as you confront yourself, messy and naked. We must let go of that which is already gone. I can tell you from direct present moment experience that this part of the process is NOT MY FAVORITE. No, not at all. But, it may just be the most potent part of this medicinal remedy concocted of time and space.

Letting Go Of Control

Yep. Another challenging one. What fun we are having, letting go of the past AND control of our future! Yay, bring on the self growth (with ease and grace, thank you)! All joking aside, this is really a big one. We have no idea what is on the other side of any door, or experience, in life. We can make the best choices in the moment, only to realize in hindsight maybe they were the “harder” or even “hardest” version of our best choice. We deal with consequences and have to keep breathing and beating our drum. Once things are set in motion all we can do is watch the show. Let go of the wheel and ask Holy Spirit to take over. You are only seeing a fraction of the picture. TRUST IS KEY HERE. Letting go and doing your best to allow WHAT IS to be accepted, and what is not in your control to simply be. A practice we must be patient with throughout life as a whole.

Finding YOURSELF At the Center

Yes, Venus does a beautiful dance, and yes, we dance with our shadow as well. But what is the common denominator in every single spec and second of our lives? OURSELVES. No one else. We come into this world alone (if we are blessed with a bunch of folks that love us waiting to uplift us upon earth-side arrival) and we die alone (if we lived our lives right then we have a bunch of people that love us uplifting us as we exit earth side and venture into the Great Mystery). So maybe we aren’t totally alone, but we are the only ones coming out of the birth canal or exiting our bodies, when those moments are dissected fully. We come into (and leave) these skins, our minds and bones with just US. So unique! There can be many within this One, many aspects to our personality and many ways we learn to BE. We relate to the world around us yet in the end and in reality we are fully responsible for ourselves and how we choose to make our moment. This COULD be a very challenging time, OR we could allow the challenge to be like a fuel. It propels us even CLOSER to our TRUTH AT THE CENTER. WHO WE REALLY ARE, IT IS TIME TO REMEMBER! Get so close to yourself. Get really deep down in there and cuddle and snuggle the shit out your fears and foibles. Smell it, taste it. Successes, failures, arising and falling. Feel it. Cry yourself towards your sweet center. Let the tears take you HOME. Welcome HOME. Yes, that soft and squishy place free from walls, desires and avoidances. There. There you are. Now, now. Like a gentle mother cradling you, be at rest in this center. Be at peace in this center. Be The Center.

It is safe to be YOUR TRUE SELF.

Changing the Story… Even if it is Ancient and All you have ever Known……

Ah, we think we know how it went and we think we may even know how it will go. In Landmark they reminded us that there are two circles to every story: WHAT HAPPENED, and WHAT DID YOU MAKE IT MEAN ABOUT YOU. This is powerful. One of the most powerful teachings I have ever received, actually. WHAT HAPPENED? We broke up. WHAT DID I MAKE IT MEAN? That I totally fucked up and lost the love of my life? Oh wait! No, that’s not what happened. What happened was, we ended our intimate partnership. What does that mean about me? NOTHING. It means I am still me without that particular partner. It doesn’t mean I fucked up. It doesn’t mean I lost anything. It doesn’t mean anything about me. I could make up a million stories about what it could mean about but you know what? How exhausting! PLUS it’s NOT always ABOUT ME! It is what it is. Change the story. Maybe you were sexually assaulted, as many women in this day and age are and have been for centuries. What happened? ‘I was assaulted’. What did I make it mean? ‘I am worthless and deserve more abuse because I don’t know anything else’. OR, ‘Someone acted violently toward me, it effected me the way it did, and I am healed or still healing from it. I am still worthy of love and respect. This does not mean anything about me” Do you see the difference?The way we choose to move forward from an experience is UP TO US. When the perpetrator is gone, WE have to be the one to help ourselves move forward, we cannot continue to give power to the ones that harm us, by ignoring our best interest out of apathy or despair. I know that I do not understand any one else or their pain and trauma, but I DO know that we are all capable of healing if we are still alive to do so. Horrible things happen in this world and miracle stories and true heroic acts often come out of those horrific stories. In the Bible is says that God works ALL things for His purpose. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ Romans 8:28. I know that really bad things happen for NO reason, and still, the Holy Spirit can redeem even the deepest sorrows and turn them into the most amazing blessings and sources of joy! I trust this process, and invite you to do the same.

Final Notes:

So maybe we are in the muck. Maybe we are in the darkness. Yet, the Lotus forges forth from the murky mud and sprouts a brilliant pink bloom, and the tiniest little seed trusts the darkness to fertilize it and prepare it for breaking open to the LIGHT! Venus is sometimes the evening star, then way down she goes, and arises again as the Morning Star. The Feminine Christ. The Resurrected One. We all have these archetypes within us. In our bones, ancient stories. As we breathe each breath we get to choose now how to work with this story, this energy, and CHOOSE HOW WE EMERGE. Will you spiral down into the darkness? Or will you call for help in the dark of night and trust Your Maker will not let you drown, but fashion you a boat to sail these stormy seas? After all, Yeshua walked on water and raised up from being dead. He rose. She rose, and rises still.

We arise together.

Will you let yourself be lifted?

Will you uplift others along the way?

I love you so much xo

Shellie Marie 🧜🏼‍♀️

PS: Here is my facebook live video link once more. You will hear my transmission around Venus and the stories associated with this archetype and astrological transit, PLUS I am selling a bunch of the most amazing things I collected while traveling, so go check it out if you have been awaiting or searching for some sweet and sacred stuff!

 A beautiful dance, indeed &lt;3

A beautiful dance, indeed <3

The Fall 🥀

This particular piece of writing has been bubbling forth for some time. It has also met a ton of resistance. I usually write blogs for the internet on my laptop, yet I am traveling and forgot my charger. I have my iPad, yet for some reason I cannot open my website on it to write. So here I am, on my fancy new iPhone writing this piece so it can be off my chest and into the world. So it can be medicine for others as well. Today is a new day, a new season, and I am becoming a new woman.

Mabon; Fall Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere and Spring Equinox in the Southern Hemisphere. It certainly feels like fall today, as I sit here on a rainy, balmy Saturday morning in my former place of residence, Austin TX. I feel The Fall very close to my heart this season. I am in a period of the deepest grief I have ever known, sitting on the edge of completion of what has been the hardest year of my life. This last year has shown me the darkest parts of my shadow, shown me the amazing capability I have to create the life I love deeply, and then also the capability to completely destroy it. Yes, I have seen the fullness of the spectrum of light; and some of it is dark indeed. This darkness was calling to the light within me, to expose it, to love it, to lead it home. As I am at my own doorstep, with this bundle of discoveries, I find myself realizing the Welcome Mat needs to be dusted off and the garden tended. The brush has grown high and the paint is cracking. I can still see the fire glowing when I peek through the window, but the fire needs stoking, the wood replenished, the Keeper of The Flame needing a moment to rest. I am home now, here to fetch wood, carry water, tend the flame, and do my work. When you feel like you have lost everything you have ever known there is nothing left to do but put your head down in prayer, remain humble to the pain, and keep your chest lifted for God to fill your heart and hearth with replenishing love. Truly, there is nothing else.

The Fall. A time to observe what seeds took to the souls soil and which ones did not. Not all seeds are viable. Not all life makes it. Death has just as much of a role in life as life itself. In fact, they are two sides of the same coin. In the Christian teachings of my childhood, we are promised that one day death will be overcome and there will be no pain or sorrow in it. I trust this is obtainable here, on Earth, as we learn to feel the sensations of loss, yet realize that even the pain is impermanent, just as the joy. Again, sorrow and joy are the same being. In the words of Khalil Gibran in The Prophet, sorrow carves a hole only joy can fill. The seeking of only pleasure denies us the full experience of sorrow, which in turn robs us of the full expression of joy. Ironic, yes. Yet, this Universe seems to be nothing more than loops of time and spirals of experience, everything coming back to Its Source after a wide and worthy ripple. In truth, I have learned this year that if you let someone who trusts you Fall on their face in your care, odds are that you will in turn feel what that same Fall feels like. You will share and know the sorrow you caused intimately, for this is how we free ourselves from ego. We see how our actions have effects on not just the other, but also ourselves. We develop a type of compassion that can only be honed by the experience of personal loss and pain. Then we can relate. Not just sympathize, but EMPATHize. We feel the oneness; Not through all of the hyped up ‘We Are One New Age Bullshit’, but through real and authentic consequence of choices made and words spoken. It can’t be contrived, and when it cuts deep, the pain of your own creation…. oh how we wish it was a ride we could jump off of.

Alas, we must sit and stew in our own soul soup. Lay in the bed we made. Look in the mirror and acknowledge how far we have fallen from Grace. These moments can almost feel paralyzing, and rightfully so. The Fall is a moment of stillness, stunned on the ground at rock bottom, to honor and give thanks for what is dying. Then comes Winter, the cold and darkest night, where we sit with the empty space that Death gifts us. From this place of still surrender, the chrysalis is formed, we become liquid, and then eventually take form again and resurrection is real.

Let me tell you something I have learned. I want you to really hear this, because it’s the juiciest pearl of wisdom I can share with you at this point in my crucible.

Be watchful.

Stay hyper aware and extremely discerning, trusting your gut and heart to tell you The Truth. Not “your truth” that you received from some “download” in ceremony or under the influence of any outside ritual or presence. ‘Your truth’ is often only a half truth, diluted by your conditioned mind and desires. However, THE Truth comes like a fire from heaven, you have nothing to do with it, you didn’t call it forth or pray it into existence. It was always there. It will always be there. Simply acknowledge it, stay humble to it, create right action and thought in its presence and realize that THE Truth might be extremely different than what you have self willed YOUR truth to be. Others will influence you if you are focused on YOUR truth. They will want your truth and their truth to align so they can spread more false truth. The wolves are out. The coyotes are hungry. The disembodied ghosts and souls of those who desire incarnation are always looking to influence YOUR truth, but THE Truth is always waiting to free you. When you are done with all the black magic of inserting your own will into the mix, when you finally feel the distance you have created due to your own desire and insatiable longings… then there is room for THE Truth. My biggest lesson is this; really look around and take an honest inventory of what you have access to in front of you, and give thanks for it. If you think you want to change it, don’t force anything. Let God rearrange it for you so that you don’t create any more karma and suffering for yourself or those around you. Keep your back gate closed and locked or the predators will joyfully enter and snatch your most prized perfections. It happened over here, so this is a fair warning. Be watchful. Check your misuse of Will. Be humble and extremely aware.

Last year at this time I had just completed my Magdalene Pilgrimage to Southern France. I feel now that it’s been a year I can speak on it. The Magdalene called me to these lands, yet the wolves were there waiting. I fell prey to a group of women and a man that did not have my best interest at heart at all, they wanted something from me, and I was so naive I paid them to take it from me. I will write more about this in my next writing offering, because it wasn’t just this one group. I have been entranced by many a “cult”. The cult of fake Christianity, the cult of the New Age, the cult of ‘medicine culture’, the cult of the contorted feminine divinity/womb/blood mysteries and I am here to say beware. Be Aware. Be very, very cautious when treading in these territories, as their are so many false Christ’s, false Magdalene’s, false gurus, false sexual healers, false light workers, possessed channels, false shadow workers, power thirsty priestesses, neo-shamans with many a potion, serpents, black dragons, thieves, narcissists, and this is just a few of the ones you may encounter as you traverse the widened path.

This is why John the Baptist said to those awaiting the Messiah, make straight the Way of The Lord, for truly, we must put our blinders on to the temptations and desires that are like fishing hooks in this ocean of life, waiting to snatch us up and steal our breath.

I know this may feel heavy to read, but it’s THE truth. Not MINE. Truth belongs to no one. We simply observe it and uphold it. We cannot change it or make it ours. We steward Truth. We steward Love. Nothing is ours, and anything we think is ours will slip through our fingers like sand. Like the sands of time. Eternal, yet never for keeps.

This Fall, how will you observe your garden, the front stoop of your soul house? Will you tend to what you see needs repair? Maybe you came into this life with a “fixer upper”, maybe you were blessed to come in with a pristine mansion, either way, how will you tend to and share fully what you have been given? Personally, I feel I have been given a wonderful soul home and for the first time in my life I am blessed to know true heart ache. Yes, I said blessed.

Blessed to know it so that I may grow the most beautiful blooms from these dead and composting pieces of myself. These bits and layers that absolutely had to shed for me to embody Divinity more fully in this life. I have had to die to love. The parts of my soul that resisted loyalty, rebelled against integrity and found twisted pleasure in pain…. these aspects of my soul are being transformed; changed; an alchemical process that has morphed me into a woman that holds a deeper wisdom than before this shift.

Before a a butterfly becomes a butterfly she sheds. Caterpillars often shed many layers of skin before enveloping themselves in the cocoon. They shed and shed and then entomb themselves. Then, they become pure liquid. A full surrender. Formlessness. My prayer is for you, and for me, is to find ourselves in this humble place, nesting in surrender in the Mother’s Cocoon, enveloped in love, trusting this place of liquidity, formlessness, mystery and darkness. This is how the seed of life takes shape. This is how we unfold. How we grow. How we reach for the Light, fresh from the fertile soil of our soul. All the bullshit? Just compost for Gods Garden in Your Heart ❤️ Let the blossoms bloom, then let them weep their withered petals back to the Earth from which they came. 🥀❣️🥀

The Fall…

as you descend, unfurl your wings. Let go of the things. And watch what life brings…🌬

Happy Equinox