Ha! I almost said it with a straight face, too.
Nah, it is actually true though. This has been the most alchemizing year of my existence. Lifetimes and eons and a long and arduous heroins journey of a unshakable soul of soft steel has led me to this point on the space time continuum where I could make the most and make use of all of these lessons: enter the linear Gregorian calandar year of 2018.
So, here we go…..
Everything I Need To Know In Life I Learned in 2018
Knowledge + Wisdom + Compassion +
Unconditional SELF Love
= True Power
(and it might not look like what you asked for, but trust me, it IS the answer to your conscious and unconscious prayers/words/thoughts)
Lesson #1. LAUGH and ALLOW SPACE FOR PLAY.
Make Light of shitty situations. 💩 ESPECIALLY the stinkiest of them. If you don't crack a few jokes and remember to play as much as you strive to embark on the super sacred reverent spiritual journeys or your 40+ hour work week, then you will shrivel and die. No joke there. When baby Jesus got older he reminded the hyperbrainy and judge-y adults of the only way to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and that was to be like a child. Nourish your inner child with a lot of love and some shadow work too, but remember that your inner kid needs to play, let loose, and let all of that cerebral noise GO. Respect to all the adult children out there who can balance this seriousness with the play each and every day!
Lesson #2. CRY and FEEL and QUIT AVOIDING THE PAIN.
I know, it's not nearly as fun to read as the first one but guess what? Fun is just a distraction if you are overly focused on it and laugh every time you are actually pissed as a fire ant whose hill just got stomped on. But you have to feel it sooner or later and the later it gets the more intense it will feel when it INEVITABLY boils up and over the surface layers, it gets UG-LAY! 🐲 Let me tell you from the very personal experience of letting my pent up verbal venom spew all over my closest peeps... IT AIN'T PRETTY. All of your glamorized priestess presence or good church going wifey image is out the f*ucking window once you let the SHE BEAST loose on the ones you love. It might not look like anger or sadness, it might look like "netflix and chill' for the 6th month straight plus 15 extra pounds from healthy vegan junk food. Don't let that sh*t sneak up on you. Be proactive. Just feel the feels already, ok? I've got your back if you need a guide.
Lesson #3. CREATE OR DIE.
Sometimes you choose to create, and sometimes you choose to die (consciously or subconsciously, your pick!) I almost didn't write this email. I wanted to send you stuff a long time ago but I didn't. I didn't do anything. I did surf a lot and jot down a few lines in my journal here and there but I didn't create anything for a few months. I barely wrote or danced outside of the bare minimum, like teaching class and making sporadic posts to pretend I was fine. I wanted to sing and write songs but I just laid around and sobbed about my victim story instead to those who would listen for the 46TH THOUSANTH* time. If that* is even a word. I quite creating, which is fine, but I died.
If you want to die a painful ego death, just stop making your art. Sometimes you have to pause your creations because ego death is eminent and breathing down your neck and you just. have. to. LET. GO.
Letting go of even your most precious creations; like long-term relationships or your old ways of being.
Not easy either way really. Creating can be hard and so can death. So, CHOOSE which one you're up to and then choose how you want to go through the portal. ⭕️ It's 5am for me over here and you know what? This is what my creation after a loooooooong slumber looks like. Use that nasty crap that happened to create fertile compost and rich healthy soil to plant your seeds and water your dreams for 2019 🔆
Lesson #4. Not everyone will meet you on the 'other side'.
Sad, but true. As you become an alchemist and allow the changes to occur, letting those Phoenix tears turn lead into gold, haters gonna hate. You might be the hater and you might the one playing games. You might also be a highly cultivated individual who didn't screw around and actually did her homework and now you graduated and some of your homies got held back or switched schools.
It might come as a shock or surprise to see who ends up able to relate to you after your deep transitions and who just can't even pick up the phone to respond to your texts, calls or Marco Polos. My biggest take away from finding myself with less friends but MUCH tighter and forged-in-fire relationships is THIS: Don't take it personally. You do you. Let them do them. Make room for those who are truly worth your time. Set boundaries and dissolve ties with those who dim or diminish you light or can't honor your full spectrum radiance!
DAILY PRACTICE IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAINTAIN PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, ASTRAL + PSYCHIC WELL BEING ***(ALL IN CAPS & LONGER FOR A REASON)***
Damn. I about lost my shit, ya'll, I ain't gonna lie. I fell out of practice for a while and succumbed to the darkness. It was dank down there, but I had to go, I guess. In that process, I realized I am not very good with structured linear practices for two hours at a time (leading to lots of self judgement/loat ing); but I AM able and willing to do lots of little practices in consecutive and/or non-linear order; which adds up to be practices throughout the day and helps me out A LOT. I was so out of practice with my 'spiritual cultivation'. I thought I could 'set it and forget it', like it was a f*cking autoresponder or something.
Just because I practiced Qi Gong for 5 years, or became a breath work facilitator, or have taught hoop dance for a decade or been to every sacred site ever plus drinking a thousand ounces of ayahausca I was enlightened right?... give me a break, Becky.
But, like, aren't I "spiritual" enough?
It's a PRACTICE.
It's constant PARTICIPATION.
It's never ending INTEGRATION.
These are the basics of ceremony and ceremony is life.
The salt baths you took last week and the transformational festival you went to on 12.21.12 are not going to get through this one babe.
Gotta keep the blade sharp or it fails to cut when it's needed to get you nice slice of vegan gluten free raw nut patê pie! 🍰 Now, get back to work! ⚔️
Lesson #6. BOUNDARIES ARE REAL. THEY ARE VITAL. THEY ARE LOVING.
I thought I understood this. On some levels I did but….. not really until very recently. People I loved started setting pretty big boundaries with me and I found myself pushing others I loved far, far away. Something felt off. I began to see the patterns peeking out from behind the curtain. Old ways of relating that I THOUGHT WERE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES turned out to be riddle and crumbling with resentment, anger. feelings of betrayal and a total lack of SELF trust and trust in My Creator. Ah, trust. Trust. TRUST!
Trust is knowing you can say NO and still be supported. It’s saying NO and still feeling loved, even if/especially when you are spending time in solitude. It’s saying NO to over-commitments. NO to frivilous expending of energy. The NO must come from the same inspired self loving awareness that full blown YES’ come from. YES can be a boundary, too! YES to my joy, and no you can’t steal it. YES to my light, it’s my job to reveal it. YES to my creative schedules. YES to my workouts. YES to my writing time. YES YES YES is also a way of keeping boundaries and TRUSTING yourself to feel the subtle nuances in your body; for me it’s my GUT and my EMOTIONAL STATE. If you would like more guidance on how to use your divine Human Design to understand your personal strategy so you can better LISTEN to your inner intelligence, email me here to set up a chat.
The key is to EMBODY the trust within yourself and your Maker to know when you need space and how to take it without pitching a huge tantrum toddler fit. Oh, don't worry if you're not there yet. I am 34 and just starting to really get the picture. (Thank God! or wait, Trust God!)
Lesson #7. The QUEENDOM of HEAVEN IS WITHIN. 👑
Yes, my child. You heard it right. It ain’t out there. Not in a boyfriend or girlfriend or threesome. Not in the sweet potato fries or second helping of vegan mac and cheese. It’s not hiding under some #laptoplife swipe file or ‘femmeprenuerial’ up-level. It’s not even in the Bible. Jesus is in the Bible, and he said it himself it wasn’t in the scriptures, they only point to the truth. YOU are the truth. Yeshua said the kingdom of heaven is within, and that it could be accessed by being like a little child, filled with wonder and love.
Let that really sink it.
You’re little inner tiny one has the key to your crown-wearing-royal-heavenly self. You must take her hand and walk with her deep into the corridors of your being-ness. Guide her gently though the scary parts and stand up for her fiercely, sword in hand, when the vipers come. Speak truth to her, not lies and old patterns. Let her guide the way, curious as to what is around every corner, like a kitten exploring each nook and cranny of Her Holy Kingdom. Don’t shame her for exploring those sexual parts or let her down when she really needs you to show up on time to her recital. It’s really important you nourish this little one inside because across the expanse of non dual space and time, She Is You Then and She Is You Now, and she is not concerned with the ‘who, why or how’. Times may get dark for you and your self, but collect that well of trust you have cultivated, as you take Yeshua’s hand again and again, and walk boldly within yourself to claim your own crown. Not a crown of thorns this time but of mugwort and yarrow so you can be a good ancestor for those of tomorrow. Quit checking your phone for texts or red bubbles. It will only add to your troubles. It’s all deep inside. You’ve known it from before. Heaven is within, and there is no locked door.
The secret is in NOT wanting more or being more able, but being complete with what’s on the table. You’ve got what you’ve got and those are your spiritual gifts. Sometimes Heaven is hell, and other times Heaven is bliss. Heaven can burn just like hell’s fire if you think it’s all lotus petals and ignore the mire. These straights are dire, but it’s still time to shine. So grab your Burger King crown if that’s all you can find. I didn’t think this would end up a rhyme but my creative word flow feels simply divine. Why change it? Just rearrange it and see what you find, perhaps a Grand Trine. Putting the pieces together in new ways is sublime. There are 88 keys on piano you know, and not every song plays the same notes. We are the octaves and the syllables, the music and the words. The pro-nouns and the objects, the synonyms and verbs. The tables have turned, like an old vintage vinyl. Love Will Conquer All, says the prophet Richie of Lionel.
I hope my distilled experience of 2018 can help propel you forward in a good way and with a good heart into the Lighter half of this year in the Northern Hemisphere, and the darker half if you’re down south. I like to run my mouth and can type a ton of words a minute and have a thing for writing so here is my GIFT to YOU! It was actually a gift given to ME that I am now more compelled than ever to share with all of you and to the billions of others inhabiting this Earth Temple. We gotta get ourselves and then each other in check. Tick the boxes and mark my words: WE NEED YOU NOW. ⚓️
So, make your own list of what you learned; what’s coming with and what’s going out with the garbage. These reflections are key, and will help you turn a new page with more ease and grace than you might imagine.
From my warm heart to yours on this chilly Florida morning,
✨Shellie Marie White Light✨